A. Verdict: Watch in theaters (Spicy!)
B. Good Enough for Repeat Viewing?: Oh yes.
C. Details, Please:
In case you are late to the party, HE cannot be named. HE is above all life forms in the multiverse, immortal or otherwise.
It was a satisfying pleasure for my unworthy self to spend another night with HIM in a dark room after 2 lonely years. We made up for lost time in the reliably cozy company of sweaty strangers on reclining seats in the great state of New Jersey (the Armpit of America never smelled sweeter after HE blessed its air supply). I see the light again. HIS light.
You too deserve to blessed by witnessing HIS 2nd coming. I assure you that HE will take care of all of your needs and leave you behind with a wide smile once the euphoria is over. After all, HIS new friends also bring delight. The most prominent among them would be Thanos who is taking a break from roughing up the Avengers and setting off Infinity Wars to save our future as a species. He temporarily washes away his lovely velvet spray tan and abandons his colorful jewelry to assume the guise of Cable, a hardened time traveler who always gets his man one way or another with his handy bionic arm.
HE and this greasy middle-aged soldier complete each other. It was meant to be. Sure, there is a violent custody battle over a misbehaving obese mutant boy who prefers the title, "Firefist" (a talented young New Zealander in real life who has previously acted under the critically praised direction of Taika Waititi, a fellow kiwi who was famously behind Thor: Ragnarok). For our scarlet clad hero and saint, HE reluctantly begins to care about this wayward child in hopes of finding redemption for a life of mostly regrettable choices. Cable TV Guy, on the other hand, wants to complete his humorless mission by making the kid disappear forever in order to prevent a far worse tragedy. This obvious disagreement must escalate to playful mayhem all over the Vancouver metropolitan area before there is any chance of meeting somewhere in the middle.
With the ultimate intent of being on top, HE recruits a team of lost souls. First of all, there is Domino, a sassy lady mercenary whose good luck powers are destructive in the most beautiful way possible. The always huggable Terry Crews joins up to bust a few nuts along with Shatterstar, a pony-tailed swordsman who bears a close resemblance to the warrior who had the honor of participating in the only halfway decent choreographed fight in Netflix's Iron Fist. Vanisher is hardly seen but always around. A charming fellow who pukes acid serves his purpose as well. No one can compare to Peter though. He embraces being an ordinary fellow with a thin resume and nothing to brag about besides a possibly weaponized mustache (Your move, Tom Selleck and Henry Cavill). We adore him. Together, they are X-Force and their scenes bring nothing but merriment.
Just like in HIS first orgasmic cinematic adventure, Vanessa is the heart of the story. She always keeps the carnage grounded. Her true romance with HIM continues and their explosive chemistry is still contagious. Soul mates exist. Equipped with some of the best lines in the film, Weasel gets to escape from his real-life trouble with moral standards. Blind Al still cannot see shit and she wisely does not give a fuck. The audience will never judge her for her endearing cocaine habit. Dopinder gets the upgrade of a lifetime. No longer content with being a stereotypical desi cab driver, he does everything possible to make his wish of being a contract killer a reality. In many instances, he steals the show single-handedly with his grit. 2 of our favorite X-Men still have everyone's back. Proud Russian Colossus continues to believe that friendship is magic with every square nanometer of his bodaciously towering metallic frame. Negasonic Teenage Warhead has less to do but still has an aggressive Millenial attitude that makes all of us blush. Newcomer pink-haired Yukio is everyone's BFF (it's not a choice).
The only shortcomings are the villains. They are relegated to getting sloppy seconds in the background but in this case, it is actually permissible. The centerpiece of this story all belongs to HIM and is about what it means to be a family in 2018 when Vin Diesel is not overusing the term. The humor is so layered despite being in overdrive. The jokes have jokes within them. HE is the one superhero who knows that HE is fictional and uses that concept to successfully play with our expectations of sequels to unexpected hits. Without spoiling anything, I will add that the 2nd half of the movie is unpredictable and keeps you guessing. Numerous references to other superhero movies only enhance the insanity. The mid-credit scenes might make you spontaneously combust from laughter. Don't say that you were not warned.
Bottom Line. HE has not forsaken us. Neither has Queen Celine.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments section below.